35-Joe

Everyone looked. So many eyes, all on him.

It was a major artery of foot traffic through the parking lot, Joe glumly realized. Though he held the bouquet low at his side, and it only contained three roses, it nevertheless felt massive.

Girls passed by, curious and smiling. Guys snickered. A few of those big, fat raindrops fell again, but they were sporadic. Joe looked up at the grey and purple sky and heard it rumble in distant thunder. He felt like he was in a dream and would wake up at any moment.

A car drove by, with the windows rolled down. The guy driving screamed out at him, “I love you, man!” while the passengers laughed. One of the girls in the back seat made sarcastic kissy faces at him.

Most of these people passing he knew—some of them quite well—but neither he nor they dared to speak to one another. He began to fear that this might have been the most idiotic thing he’d ever done in his life.

The waves of people were relentless, unstoppable, and it seemed like he was going to see everyone in the entire world, except for the one person he wanted to. It was just his luck—the one time he decided to do something this crazy, she left school early, or decided to stay after, or was for some reason unable to come out and see what he was doing.

His heart sank at the sight of the person he saw approaching, because it was Rob Smith, probably number one on the list of people he did not wish to see. He looked like he was pissed off, too.

Joe braced himself, for something, anything.

Rob approached, his mouth agape once he was near.

“Joe? What the fuck are you doing?” he asked.

“I don’t know, man,” Joe replied.

Rob kept walking, right on by.

“Dude, you’re gay,” he heard him say as he passed.

Rob’s car was nearby. As he opened the door, Joe heard him yell again. “What the fuck? All my friends have become pussies.”

Rob then got in the car and sped off with a screech of rubber on the pavement.

Joe exhaled, telling himself that would be the hardest test. Turning back around, he saw the next person in line to pass by him—Ed Lugo.

Joe readied an explanation for what he was doing, but he didn’t need it. Ed appeared in front him like a phantom, merely asking if he wanted to buy any acid and that was all. It looked like Ed didn’t even notice the bouquet in his hand.

“No thanks, I’m good, man,” Joe muttered calmly, but what he really wanted to scream was, no, dude, I don’t want any fuckin’ acid!

Ed shambled off, his shredded jeans trailing along the pavement.

It wouldn’t get any easier, Joe knew, watching the next wave of people nearing, this one quite significant because it included Lauren and Paul, walking side by side, and just behind them were Trey, Ronnie, Raza, and Antwann. Joe felt his entire world waver for a moment.

Lauren noticed first, and she froze in place, like her legs suddenly stopped working. With a hand to her mouth, she said, “Oh my sweet God.”

That started it, and Joe watched the realization go through them, from one person to the next, like a wave. It affected their legs, as they slowed or stopped altogether. But their expressions were not the wolfish grins that some of the other students had—instead they were of pure disbelief, even confusion, like they were seeing something unreal, like they’d just watched Bigfoot emerge from some trees or the Loch Ness Monster surface on a quiet lake.

They were the best friends a guy could ever ask for though, and Joe’s heart warmed when he saw that after a moment of hesitance they merely kept walking. Perhaps the intensifying rainfall helped push them along, but Joe didn’t care. They kept walking, and so Joe felt strengthened, such that he actually raised the bouquet higher. No longer held loosely by his legs, he clutched it at chest level, more or less presenting it, without reservation.

It was Antwann who finally said something, his thick voice smoothly breaking the heavy silence. He said it loud, too.

“Hell, yeah, Joe. You do what you gotta fuckin’ do, my man.”

Joe glanced over at him and saw Antwann looked back at him determinedly. Antwann nodded, like he understood everything completely. It even looked like he was impressed.

“Do your thing, Joe,” he said. “Do your fuckin’ thing.”

Joe stood stout by Nikki’s car, clutching the bouquet firmly, in plain sight, the rain in a pitter-patter all around him. His friends walked off and branched away, moving toward their cars that were scattered about in various places throughout the lot. Then they were gone.

“Doin’ my fuckin’ thing,” Joe whispered to himself.

He didn’t care if the skies opened up. He wasn’t going to move.

He watched car after car pull out and leave. Of the entire lot, Nikki’s was one of the few that remained. But the girls had to come out eventually.

The stream of students exiting the building became a meager trickle, and then it was just a few isolated people here and there. He saw a couple guys approaching that he knew from Spanish class—that blowhard Lance Gill was one of them. Joe had become desensitized, and so at their presence he barely needed to even brace himself. But, he didn’t like the ominous looks on their faces as they neared.

“Yo, Pedro!” Lance called out.

“Yeah?”

“Juanita straight dissin’ you, yo.”

Joe felt his body tense. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. She trippin,’ right?” Lance said with a shrug, making it clear he was firmly on Joe’s side, and he didn’t understand it either.

“She knows I’m out here?” Joe asked, in disbelief, feeling his world waver again.

“Yeah, she knows,” Lance said, nodding. “She’s in Spanish class right now. We just came from there.”

“Look at you, man,” one of the other guys said, having just noticed the bouquet Joe carried. “Look at this dude!”

“Damn, you straight Romeo, dog!” Lance said with a grin. “Check out the flowers and shit! Damn!”

“She really knows I’m out here?” Joe asked. “Like this?” Joe held up the bouquet.

“Yeah, she knows,” Lance said, his words brutal, his tone cutting. “She and her friends, they up there fuckin’ laughin’ at you and shit.” He even pointed up to the giant windows on the second floor that looked out over the parking lot.

Joe felt himself not just sinking, but utterly flattened. His hand that held the bouquet fell slowly to his side.

“Damn, sorry, Pedro. You all right, dog?” Lance asked.

Joe couldn’t answer.

“Hey, stay strong, brother.”

Lance and the other guys walked off quietly, but not five seconds later Joe heard their voices again, and then their laughter, too.

He glanced up at the second floor windows and tried to imagine the girls there, behind the glass, pointing and laughing at him. It was beyond painful.

“That shit is harsh, yo,” he whispered, his face falling, staring down at the wet pavement beneath his feet. He genuinely didn’t know how this would all turn out, but he never imagined it would be this bad.

He picked the card off the bouquet and read it once more, his carefully chosen words. As he looked upon the paper, a couple of those big raindrops hit it, and sent some of the ink into a diluted swirl.

“Joe?”

The voice startled him. While in his own world, collapsing all around him, he didn’t notice her approach. It was Crystal Stevens, of course. He already knew it was her—he could vaguely see her in his peripheral vision as he stared at the card, and the voice left no doubt.

Of course she came along right at that moment, Joe thought. Of course.

“Joe?” she said again.

The card seemed to leap out of his hand. He thought about reaching a hand out to try to catch it, but didn’t. It fluttered to the ground, where it landed in a newly formed puddle on the pavement, and then sank. He knew it was gone then. It was irrecoverable.

Finally, he looked over at Crystal. She had on her backpack and was walking home. She lived nearby, close enough to do so. She looked both surprised and upset—almost fuming. There was fire in her eyes, the likes of which Joe had never seen before. He blankly registered it.

“Hi, Crystal,” he said, morosely.

“Un-fuckin-believable,” she said. Lost was all the restraint she normally had.

“What?”

“Who are those for?” she asked.

He couldn’t reply.

“Seriously, Joe. Please tell me. Who is the fucking Aphrodite who possessed you to stand out here with fucking flowers?”

Joe chuckled. Her words actually made him feel better, bringing him back down to earth. His eyes warmed.

While looking at Crystal he saw a whirlwind of emotions wash over her. With his laugh, her anger faded, and in its place came a light smile, while still her eyes filled with tears. He watched one of those tears shoot down her cheek.

“Seriously, who are those for?” This time her tone was purely inquisitive.

“No one, I guess,” he said, finally.

“God, and to think I was going to come over here and ask you…”

“Ask me what?”

She shook her head, while rolling her eyes. “Never mind. I can see you like someone else.” Her voice cracked as she said it.

The rain picked up. Joe felt it dripping down his face.

Drops fell down her face too, but Joe knew some of those were just more of her tears.

It made sense, he admitted to himself, painfully. After all, he hadn’t even once thought about her all this time.

“Are you okay, Crystal?” he asked.

“No. Not really. Are you?”

“No.”

It was a confusing moment, and he would never know exactly what to make of it or how exactly they came together—but they did. She pressed herself close to him, and Joe responded, holding her tightly. He still held the bouquet in his hand, now at the small of her back.

He didn’t know how long they were like that, his mind both blank and reeling at the same time, unable to keep up with any of this. Eventually they backed away from one another, and their eyes met once more. Joe saw the sadness there again, her raw emotion, and her makeup streaking.

The thunder rumbled again, and the skies opened. It was an all-out downpour. Despite all else they had to get out of the rain.

“You want a ride?” Joe had to yell to be heard over the rain that assaulted the pavement all around them.

She nodded, and then they ran through the wet lot toward his car, their feet splashing in puddles. They got in hastily, and after shutting the doors the rain falling on the roof and the windshield was loud and furious.

Joe still held the bouquet. It hadn’t seemed right to just drop it in the puddles as he’d ran, though the thought did cross his mind. He didn’t know what to do with it, and the whole thing was a soggy, dripping mess, one that he was tired of holding onto, so he tossed it blindly into the back seat and was free of it.

He exhaled, feeling suddenly light and empty, not sure of all that had just happened, only that it had. Sitting next to him was Crystal, and she was completely silent. The windows began to fog from their heavy breaths.

Joe spoke in a light voice. “Crystal…I’m really sorry, you know. I was never trying to hurt you, or anything.”

“It’s okay,” she replied. “I never had any…expectations. I mean, I knew what we were doing. But still…”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t understand how…”

The rain continued to batter noisily the roof above their heads.

“Say it. Please. You can tell me.”

She took a deep breath. “I mean, when we’re out and having fun, you’re so…different. You say the nicest things to me, and you’re like…the sweetest guy in the world. I like it so much.” Her voice cracked, and she sniffled. “But then, when we’re at school, it’s like…it’s like I don’t even exist.” She rapidly brushed away tears. “You’re just…you’re just such a fuckin’ asshole.”

It was quiet for a long time before Joe could speak, only the sound of the rain on the car.

“I’m really sorry, Crystal. I promise I never wanted to hurt you. My only explanation is that, I just, I’m actually a quiet guy. I’m shy. And at school I’m tired, and I don’t speak much. Not just to you, I mean I don’t really speak a whole lot to anyone. I’m always like…half-asleep. I’m in a daze.”

She didn’t reply.

“I have trouble with this place. School, I mean. I’m serious. I promise it’s just that. I never wanted to hurt you. I always have a lot of fun with you. I like you a lot, honestly.”

She still didn’t reply. The windows were entirely fogged over.

“What is it you wanted to ask me?” Joe asked eventually.

She still couldn’t talk.

“Right at the beginning, you said you had come over to ask me something.”

Finally, she did speak, in a low voice, obviously trying to stifle more tears.

“I was gonna ask you if you wanted to go with me to a concert this summer. The Red Hot Chili Peppers. They’re coming in July. I know how much you like them. But…you don’t need to. Maybe it’s a stupid idea.”

Joe hesitated for just a moment, but when he did speak, it was very enthusiastic.

“That’s not a stupid idea, are you kidding me? They’re my favorite band. It’s not even close.”

“Should I get tickets, then?” she asked, passively.

“Yes. God, yes. I’d love to go to see them. We should go together.”

Joe started the car and put the cold air on high. The windows defogged rapidly as Joe pulled out of the parking space. The rain still hammered the car, but not quite with the intensity as before.

“Where do you live?” he asked, looking over at her.

She told him directions as they drove, to take a left here, a right there, and just a minute or so later Joe pulled up into her driveway.

“Thanks for the ride,” she said.

“No problem,” Joe replied.

“What are you doing today, anyway?” she asked.

Joe shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Do you want to come in?”

“Sure,” Joe said.