38-Joe

While driving home, Joe took a detour and found himself driving down Mike’s street, looking to see if his car was parked out front. It was, so Joe decided to stop by. He parked, stepped out, walked across the front lawn, and then knocked on the front door.

A few minutes later, Joe sat in the exact same spot on the same couch in Mike’s basement where he had been last night. A lot had happened since then, and Joe told him everything.

Mike listened patiently as always, at times in shock, at times laughing, and at times shaking his head.

Finally, Joe finished his story by saying, “And then I drove here.”

Mike took several seconds to go over everything in his head.

“God damn, dude, I said do something cool for Katherine, not something fuckin’ insane. Where’d you get that idea?”

Joe shrugged. “I don’t know, man. I really don’t. I think I have like…brain damage.”

“The white roses were kind of pimp, though, dude, don’t get down about that. It actually makes me think I may have underestimated you. But bringing them to school? Man, that’s wild. Even I wouldn’t have the balls to do that.”

“It didn’t work, though,” Joe said, his face solemn.

“That’s what’s bugging me, because it should have worked. It really should have. I mean, goddamn…you put yourself out there. No one can say you didn’t. What happened?”

Joe shrugged again.

“Did you actually see her dissing you?” Mike asked.

“No.”

“Well, it just doesn’t add up. I don’t know her that well, or really at all, but still, I can’t see her just ignoring what you did. It doesn’t make sense.”

“Nothing makes sense. I’m an idiot. Can’t we just leave it at that? I’m comfortable with that.”

“There’s just no way she wouldn’t have come out there, considering what you were doing. I think you must have had some bad luck somehow. Sorry, bro. What you did was crazy, and way overboard, but still…that’s your fuckin’ style, man, and it should have worked out for you. I feel bad that it didn’t. Especially since I was the one who kind of instigated all this.”

Joe nodded acceptingly.

“What I really can’t get over is everything that happened after that.”

“You mean with Crystal and I?”

“Yeah.”

“Mike…I swear I didn’t give up on Katherine. Please believe me. I’ll maintain that forever. I did not give up on her. I was gonna wait out there in the fucking rain all night, if I had to.”

“So, what happened?”

“I really don’t know. I just…self-destructed somehow. At the worst possible time, too. I’m still trying to grasp what happened.”

“You sat outside the school, with flowers, waiting for Katherine—the girl you like. When she doesn’t come out, you run off with Crystal—the girl you don’t like—and then you went to her house and got a blowjob. That’s what happened.”

“Fuck you, man. It was way more complicated than that. I can’t describe everything.”

Mike nodded. “Fair enough.”

“And, it’s not that I don’t like Crystal. I do like her, actually. It’s just that…”

“She’s not Katherine,” Mike finished.

“Yeah. Exactly.”

“Well, you said it yourself, man.”

“Said what?”

“Your black hole theory. How she pulls you in, and you can’t escape it.”

“Except this time I wasn’t even drunk. I was dead sober. Shit, maybe I really do like her.”

“Yeah?”

“Maybe. Or maybe not. I don’t know.”

“Dude, you’re freakin’ hilarious.”

“I know.”

“No, I mean…you see how ridiculous this is, right?”

“What do you mean?”

“You come in here, acting like you have this, I don’t know, this fucking sob story, and meanwhile, you’ve been hooking up, and now, you’re sitting here looking all morose, but at the same time I can just smell the pussy all over you.”

Joe didn’t reply.

“Do you realize in the past forty-eight hours you’ve hooked up with three different chicks, more or less? Some guys might say you ain’t got nothin’ to be complainin’ about, my man.”

“None of that was my intent, though. I wasn’t actually trying to do these things.”

“Maybe you were, bro. Maybe deep down, you’re just this mad pussy-hound.”

Joe groaned. “I swear to God, all I wanted was just to hang out with Katherine. Just her. To take her out on a date. Like you suggested. Why couldn’t I have just done that? I’d be so money right now.”

Mike actually rose up from the couch in fury and stood on his feet as he screamed. “That’s what I said at the beginning! Motherfucker! Remember? I said, ‘Joe take her out on a date. It would be money.’ Instead of taking my advice, you have a marathon weekend and hook up with three different chicks. So this is all your fault! Dick-face!”

“I know,” Joe said, downcast.

Mike sat back down. “Did you actually hook up with Alana? You’ve left that part sufficiently vague.”

“I seriously don’t remember, but…I feel like we did. And then, when I saw her today, I could read it in her face, and that removed any doubt.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I could tell exactly how much we hooked up.”

“Really? So, how much did you two hook up, then?”

“We made out. And dry-fucked.”

Mike laughed. “Wow, that’s very specific. You could read all that just from a girl’s facial expression? That is some talent.”

“Thanks. It’s the only talent I have.”

Mike kept laughing, uncontrollably.

“What? What, man?”

“It’s just…it’s so classic.”

“What is?”

“You. Your whole weekend. That shit is fucking classic. I’m almost jealous.”

“What do you mean? Jealous of what?”

“Your style, man. You’re so damn unpredictable. I love it.”

“But I’m not trying to be like this.”

“Exactly. That’s what makes it so great.”

“But see, I’m jealous of your style. I don’t want to be like this.”

“Our contrasting styles are money. That’s why we gotta keep chillin’ together, bro, and keep pimpin’ the ladies. Together we are unstoppable.”

Joe didn’t reply.

“How do you feel now, anyway? Are you still jonesin’ for Katherine?”

“Yeah. I mean, dude, Alana and Crystal, they’re both cool, they really are, I like them both, but man, Katherine is my number one, and it’s not even fuckin’ close.”

“So, you are still jonesin.’”

“Yeah, but not like I was before. I mean, she did straight diss me, right? I don’t know. After everything that happened, I just… I feel pretty mellow, I guess.”

“Yeah, you seem a lot more laidback now. A hell of a lot more laidback than you were last night. But, I guess that’s to be expected, since you finally blew your load. Makes you finally able to think straight, huh?”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Joe said blankly. “Is this a really fucked-up story, though? I mean…am I an asshole?”

Mike shrugged. “Dude, it’s high school. This kind of shit happens every day, at every high school across the country. You’re part of it, man. You’re…you’re livin’ the life. The real life.”

Joe nodded acceptingly.

“So, what are you going to do now?” Mike asked.

Joe shrugged. “I don’t know, man. Haven’t thought about it.”

Mike chuckled. “Yeah, that sounds more like you.”

Joe tried to reply, but no words came. He had nothing. Instead he gazed blankly at an old, beat-up Rage Against the Machine poster on Mike’s wall. He stared sadly at Zack de la Rocha and his flailing dreadlocks.

The phone rang, and Mike grabbed the cordless handset from the coffee table.

“Hello?”

Mike grinned, and while covering the mouthpiece he whispered, “It’s Rob.” Then he put it on speakerphone so Joe could hear.

“What’s up, Rob?” Mike asked.

“What’s up, Marelli? What are you doing?”

Rob sounded as amped as always, and Joe smiled in anticipation, knowing he’d be laughing soon.

“Chillin,’ bro, how about you?”

“Yo, I’m gathering people to go down to Miller’s Park. Jimmy Redman’s gonna be down there and I’m fighting him, but I need to have some people there with me. Paul fuckin’ bitched out on me, so I just got Ronnie and Raza and some of their boys. I want more though, just in case.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah. You in, Marelli? If shit went down, I figured you could probably hit someone over the head with your skateboard or some shit. How about it?”

Mike and Joe both grinned silently.

“Nah, man, I can’t make it,” Mike said.

“Why not?”

“I need to study for exams, dude.”

Joe stifled his laughter.

“Exams? Did you say exams?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re not studying for exams, Mike. Give me a fuckin’ break.”

“What? I’m not allowed to study?”

“Don’t feed me this bullshit. You’re not studying, dude.”

“I’m not?”

“I bet you’re over there getting high. Or you’re fuckin’ some chick, probably. Maybe both.”

“Nah, man. I’m not doing either of those things.”

“Yeah, you are.”

Mike and Joe both grinned, trying not to laugh.

“I hate you, Mike. You’re selfish, you know that? You only think about yourself.”

“No, man. It’s just that I know what I’m good at, and it ain’t fighting. I’m a peacemaker, bro. Whenever you and Jimmy decide to call things off and smoke a big phat blunt together, I’ll be right there, I promise. That’s where my skills come into play. That’s where I’m effectual. Diplomacy, baby.”

Rob sighed, frustrated. “I knew you’d wuss out. Man, what’s going on these days? Paul bitches out on me, I think Trey and Antwann are duckin’ my phone calls, and I’m not even gonna bother calling Joe, since last time I saw him he was busy trying to recreate a fuckin’ 80s movie or some shit. Is that what you guys need to do to get laid these days? Good God. I think I’m gonna move to a different country.”

“Yeah? Which one?”

“Fuck you, Marelli.”

“Fuck you, too, Rob.”

“Alright. Well…we’re rolling out of here.”

“Alright.”

“Later, bro.”

“Later, man.”

Mike turned off the phone and Joe let out all the laughter he had bottled up.

“Damn, I needed that,” Joe said, still giggling.

“Yeah,” Mike agreed. “Rob kills me, man. Funniest dude in the whole school.”

“Agreed. Hope he doesn’t get shot or something.”

“Seriously. Those guys better be careful. Jimmy Redman and some of those guys he hangs out with are legitimately insane.”

“Yeah?”

“Probably at least one of them has a piece. And if not, I’m sure they have knives and brass knuckles and shit. Seriously, Rob and those guys actually going down there is just about the dumbest goddamn thing I’ve ever heard in my life.”

“Jesus. What should we do?”

Mike shrugged. “There’s nothing we can do. It’s not like we can talk those guys out of it. They’re stubborn to the end with this gangsta shit, like it’s some kind of fuckin’ status bullshit. So there’s nothing we can do, bro. All we can do is just…not go.”

“And hope for the best, huh? That’s kind of fucked up.”

“Yeah, no kidding.”

They were quiet for a moment.

“So, what were we just talking about, anyway?” Mike asked. “Right before Rob called?”

Joe shrugged. “I think we covered it, man.”

“Yeah?”

Joe nodded. “Yeah.”

“You got time for a session, then? The Super Nintendo controllers are beckoning me.”

“Hell yeah. Me too.” Joe grabbed one of the controllers.

Mike fired up the system and soon they were picking drivers in Mariokart.

“Man, you’re always Bowser,” Mike said. “Worst acceleration in the game, dude.”

“Yeah, but once he gets goin,’ he flys. Who you gonna be? Let me guess, the little Koopa-Troopa motherfucker?”

“You know it.”

The countdown finished, and the first race started. But Joe immediately paused the game.

“I guess there is one more thing I wanted to say.”

“Go ahead,” Mike said, invitingly.

“The thing I’m most disappointed about is that I just wanted to have something like you have. I wanted to date Katherine, you know? To have a real thing going with her. She’s the only girl that’s ever made me want that. A real relationship. Something just like what you and Kelly have.”

Mike was strangely quiet, until he finally said, “Actually, man...”

“Huh?”

“About Kelly and I…”

“What? No way.”

“Yeah. We broke up.”

“No way, man! You’re kidding me.”

“No. It happened just today.”

“How? Who?”

“It was a mutual thing.”

“I’m freakin’…speechless.”

“It is kind of a surprise, I must say.”

“And here I’ve been droning on and on about all my problems, when meanwhile, you just today broke up with your girl? Fuckin A, I’m sorry, bro. You should have said something.”

Mike shrugged.

“You want to talk about it?”

“Thanks, man, but it’s all right.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. What I really need is to kick your ass at some Mariokart. That is fuckin’ therapy. C’mon, let’s go.”

“Alright.” Joe un-paused the game.

They were absorbed, playing for well over an hour, nonstop.

The phone rang, and Mike paused the game. He grabbed the cordless phone from the coffee table.

“Hello? Oh, hey, how are you?”

Just from the tone of Mike’s voice, Joe knew immediately it was a chick—there was no doubt in his mind.

“Who is it?” Joe whispered to Mike.

He covered the mouthpiece quickly. “Dude, it’s Amy Weaver.”

Joe looked back in astonishment, but as Mike started talking to her, his surprise slowly but surely morphed into a mile-wide grin. It was all making sense.

He blatantly listened in on their conversation.

“Hey, Amy. Pretty good. Yeah, we did break up. I know, it sucked. Thanks. Well, it just happened. Kind of a shock, really. Thanks. So, what’s up with you? Yeah? Yeah, we jammed just last weekend. Oh, yeah, I remember. I still have some copies. Sure, stop by anytime. I’ll be here all evening. All right. I’ll see you. Bye.”

Joe was in awe.

Mike sat back down quietly.

“Say something, Mike.”

“What?”

Joe chuckled. “She already knew that you and Kelly broke up, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“That news traveled fast.”

“For real.”

“A mutual breakup, huh? Between you and Kelly?”

“I swear it was. She and I had been dating forever, man. We both decided it was for the best. I’m dead serious.”

Joe only grinned. “So, what else were you talking about with Amy?”

“Like a month ago probably, she asked me for a tape of my band. I told her I’d give her one, but I must have forgot. Well, she just asked me for it again, and she’s stopping by later to pick it up.”

“Dude…you freakin’ pimp.”

“What?”

“You know she wants you. Damn, you’re lucky, bro. I know so many guys going after her.”

“We’ll see, man.” Mike shrugged, rather casually.

“Whatever. You know she wants it.”

Mike didn’t answer as he un-paused the game. They played for another forty-five minutes.

“Dude, what time is Amy stopping by?” Joe asked.

“She said around seven thirty.”

Joe checked the time and saw it was 7:25 p.m.

“All right, I’m gonna roll out,” Joe said.

“You ain’t gotta go just because she’s coming over.”

Joe smiled. “Nah, it’s cool, man. I got to get home anyway.”

They walked upstairs and Joe opened the front door to let himself out at precisely the same time Amy Weaver stepped briskly up onto the porch.

“Oh!” Amy was clearly surprised. “I didn’t know you had company, Mike!”

She wore a loose, bouncy skirt and a halter top, her golden hair shined, and there was a hint of glitter on her cheeks, even on her lips somehow. She was spectacular beyond words. For a second everything that had happened to Joe in the last couple of days simply vanished, and he wanted nothing more in the world than to trade places with Mike.

“Hi, Amy,” Mike said, standing at the front door. “Joe and I were just hanging out, playing some video games. I already told him he didn’t have to leave.” He shrugged.

Mike said it like he actually meant it. And maybe he did—Joe didn’t know. Mike was on an entirely different level.

“Yeah, c’mon, Joe,” Amy pleaded. “Hang out with us!”

Joe couldn’t suppress his grin. It came through despite his best efforts. “Thanks, but really…I got to go.”

“Okay, then. See you tomorrow, brother,” Mike said.

“Bye, Joe!” Amy said, smiling gorgeously. “By the way, you were a rock star the other night!”

“Thanks,” Joe said, while Mike laughed.

“Seriously, he was cracking me up,” Amy said to Mike as they walked into the house together. Joe watched them for a second, both of them all-smiles and shining eyes for one another. It was all so telegraphed.

Joe got in his car and slowly cruised away with the windows down, his face tired and mellow. He drove by the school, and seeing it reminded him that his exams started tomorrow, and they’d go on all week. He grimaced. It wasn’t enough to say he hadn’t started studying for them yet. He hadn’t even started thinking about studying for them yet.

But, he’d get by, he knew. He always did.

A short time later, Joe pulled up into the driveway of his house and turned off the engine. But he didn’t get out of the car right away. Instead, he reached over and opened up the glove compartment. Inside was the class picture of Katherine that he had stashed in there the other night. He held it in his hand, staring at it, marveling at how pretty she was, and how he’d felt that night when she’d given it to him.

The sting hit him hard. It was more painful than he could believe. His face wrinkled in anguish.

He flipped the picture over and again read what she had written:

Joe,

I am SO glad that I got to know you this year. I only wish we had started hanging out earlier! That’s okay, we have ALL SUMMER to make up for it! Aren’t you excited?!!

Beneath the text, she had drawn a girlish heart and wrote her name beside it, Katherine. Under it, in parenthesis, she wrote her other name, Juanita.

Joe stared at her words for some time, reading them again and again, and for a moment it looked like he might cry.

He didn’t, though.

Instead, he dropped the picture back in the glove box and punched it shut. He got out of the car, and in doing so caught a vague glimpse of the flowers in the back seat that he had unceremoniously deposited earlier. They had landed awkwardly, upside down in the leg well. He didn’t feel like messing with them at all, but the thought crossed his mind that the next time he came out to his car it would probably be a midday ninety degrees and his car would be a goddamn oven, and those flowers would be in an even sadder state, thus even more difficult to deal with.

Forcing his mind blank, he reached in and grabbed the entire mess of flowers and the noisy, crinkly plastic they were wrapped in. Then he marched robotically to the garage, lifted the lid on the garbage bin, and dropped the messy bouquet inside. The lid slammed shut with a thud, and then it was gone, the whole thing was forever gone. With that done, he walked hurriedly into his house, as though departing the scene of a crime.

It was really dark inside. His parents had both gone somewhere. He saw the time on the oven clock glowing in the kitchen. It said 7:50 p.m.

Joe guessed that Mike Marelli and Amy Weaver were probably making out by then—or if not yet, then they would be soon. She was probably downstairs, sitting on that couch, or maybe even on his bed, and Mike would be sitting quite close to her, probably giving her the tape of his band, while enthusiastically telling her about each song, maybe even playing something on his bass. She absolutely would be smiling and charmed at every moment, and at any given time they’d be making out, both of them with great passion, like they’d both been wanting to do so for some time. Tomorrow they’d be holding hands in the halls, and kissing from time to time, broadcasting their budding relationship to the world. And that was just the beginning. Joe could easily see a future where they were dating for a good long while—all summer, at the very least. Maybe into next year too, and even beyond. They were a dynamite match, he had to admit.

Joe could almost feel all the hearts breaking out there, he could almost hear the crashing and burning of all the guys that thought they had had a chance with her—and maybe some of them did, too. But not anymore, they didn’t. Not anymore.

“Real life,” he muttered sadly to himself, for no particular reason, while still staring blankly into the dark kitchen, illuminated only by the soft glow of the oven clock.

He also figured that right at that time Rob Smith and the rest of the crew were arriving at Miller’s Park, pumped up and ready for a ruckus. They’d be full of shit-talk and adrenaline, proclaiming that no one could fuck with them. They were wrong, though. They could very much be fucked with. Tomorrow they might have a black eye or some other sort of conspicuous injury—but that was a best-case scenario. A quick vision flashed in his mind—it was an ambulance, screaming down the road—and Joe knew it could be worse. Much, much worse.

Thunder rumbled, so distant he could barely hear it. Joe glanced out the window and saw the clouds were a bruised purple in the thickening twilight.

Joe was about to walk downstairs to his room when he noticed there were a couple notes on the kitchen table. Curious, he flicked on the lights and stepped closer. The notes were both from his mom, and one said that there was dinner in the refrigerator for him. The other note beside it said that Crystal had called. At first, he was surprised she’d called so quickly. But after thinking about it some more, he wasn’t that surprised.

He pulled the piece of paper out of his pocket that had her phone number written on it, while also picking up the cordless phone from its cradle. He carried both the paper and the phone to the living room, where he placed them both on the coffee table while sitting down on the couch. Then he yawned deeply while stretching. In doing so, he happened to feel the weight of the TV remote control on the cushion next to him. Mindlessly, he picked it up.

He hit the power button and the TV came alive, lighting up the dark room in a soft glow. The phone call he’d intended was forgotten entirely as instead his eyes went easily to the screen and were held there. A Seinfeld rerun was on, and Kramer was arguing about something with Jerry. Joe had seen this one before, and he immediately started laughing as he turned up the volume.

The End

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